ICU

 We saw Sherry's gurney roll from the recovery room to ICU.  However, the ICU staff needed to have time to get all of the monitors hooked up and Sherry settled.  Sherry moved from the recovery room to ICU, again after more time than expected. Time to build anxiety? I just didn't know what to expect.

I also knew that I had knowledge that Sherry did not have.  The neurosurgeon counselled us to wait until she asked before divulging any information.  It seems that patients are typically ready to receive the information when they ask for it.  I worried about my capacity to handle that should Sherry ask.  I felt (and feel) that having Sherry's complete trust and confidence in me was essential.  Withholding information from her could create a wedge between us at this time of great intensity and mystery.

When I was allowed into Sherry's room I was relieved to find her awake and talking though I can't recall a thing that she said.  She was eager to be fed bits of ice.  She was dominated by thirst and I was glad that I could do something for her to satisfy this basic need.  I was relieved that she didn't ask anything about the results from the biopsy.

I became more and more troubled by the dissonance.  I contacted the KMC Chaplin who happened to be a person with whom I had worked for several years on our Coeur d'Alene Earth Day Committee.  Her counsel was a comfort.  When Sherry did ask, I told her that I had preliminary information and that the final report from the pathologist was not completed, and asked her if she wanted to know what that was.  She told me that she did not, and wanted to wait for the final ressults.  I was relived.  Mostly because the wedge I perceived was gone, and also because I knew I didn't have answers for questions I knew Sherry would raise.  She would wait for the neurosugeon to bring her the news.  The best was that Sherry appeared to be Sherry.While motor skills on her left side were compromised by the swell in her brain caused by the tumors and by the trama of the surgery, she appeared to be cognitively present and was not experiencing pain. 

Interminable beeps, monitors, alarms, lights, activity dreamless half sleep with eyes on the blood pressure monitor.  Bleeding in the brain was the greatest danger and low blood pressure minimized that risk.

After 24 hours Sherry moved back to a room on the Ortho-Neuro section of the hospital.  Her new room had a widow seat long enough for me to stretch out.  I saw sleep in our future.