Sleep in Heavenly Peace

Sherry has died.  She is restored from the ravages of cancer to our memories eternal.  She died this afternoon.  Our foreheads were pressed together, my right arm across her chest holding her left shoulder, Jes holding her right hand with his arm around me.  She was at peace.  Christy, our dear Hospice nurse, and I washed Sherry and dressed her in a regal purple jumper, a complementary purple turtle neck, and, of course, her Birkenstocks.  Her head is resting on the prayer pillow she received from Head Start staff.  Her face emanates peace and contenances a subtle, Mona Lisa smile. 

I am profoundly grateful for being able to participate in this intimate journey with Sherry to the end of her life.  I have come to understand that death is as miraculous a life experience as is birth.  When Sherry died I was in the embrace of my son whose birth experience I also intimately shared.  I was taken by the emotional and spiritual similarities. 

The finality is fresh.  I could not prepare despite my efforts to imagine.  My grief is a deep, dark hole with fragile edges that break off, tumbling into the abyss whenever I approach it to peer into the void.  I hear the fragments tumble, like scree from a talus slope.  I cannot hear them reach the bottom.  I know that the edges will firm, like bark edging over a scar on a newly pruned apple tree. I hope I will be able to dance around the edges, and that the abyss will  be filled with my gratitude as I reflect on what I have received.  I mourn the loss of a deep love, and deep love will heal my grief.  That will take time. 


The present makes new demands.  I have chosen a redwood coffin in which to rest my beloved.  I thought for a long tme.  She may have preferred the simpler pine, but the image of her being enclosed by the wood of the ancient giants triumphed.  I also know that she loved the strong shelter, and the filtered light dappling the soft, fragrant, forest floor under the redwood canopy.  So, today I went red instead of green.


To fulfill her wishes, Sherry will be buried in the St. John Orthodox cemetery on the church grounds in Post Falls.  I will go to pick the gravesite.  Her body will rest in the church for a vigil with members of the congregation reading Psalms over her all night long.  Her funeral will be in the morning.  Which morning will depend on how connections can be made during Christmas week end.  I will post this information on my blog as soon as it is established.